Roommates!
Oh man, my roommates are so annoying!!! I hate my roommates! I just hate them! Hate them!
Like the other day, I wanted to watch TV and my roommate was watching TV!!! What? How am I supposed to watch TV if my roommate is sitting there, facing the TV, watching it? What if we don’t want to watch the same program? (we don’t!) What if my roommate laughs at the show we’re watching or tries to talk to me? (that would be weird!) Can you see how uncomfortable this is for me? I finally decided “Screw it. I’ll just go back to my room and wait for him to leave.” He finally stopped watching TV like TWO HOURS LATER.
My one roommate has this annoying habit where he’ll come home from work and start cooking. I can smell what he’s cooking in my room! It’s like vegetables and stuff. After he did this a couple of times I finally poked my head out of my room and I said “Hey, I can smell that in here.” He goes “You want some?” I’m like “Hahahahahahahah. NO. I’m just saying it’s hard to use the internet with all these smells going on!” Now we have a rule which I posted on the fridge: DON’T COOK.
I hate it when I want to use the bathroom and I get the feeling my roommate has been in the bathroom a couple hours before. Just the feeling, knowing that my roommate has sat on that toilet seat. I can’t get comfortable. I usually use the bathroom at the pizza place down the street. OH MY ROOMMATES!
My other roommate is a girl and she has a boyfriend. That’s annoying. One time this boyfriend comes over and is all sitting around the house, making himself comfortable. I come out of my room to get some duct tape out of the kitchen drawer and he’s all like “Hi, I’m Matt.” I just stared at him. Why does he have to rub it in? I get it, Matt. You’re having sex with Elise and I’m not. Good for you. But I live with her and it’s only a matter of time until she comes around and you’re old news. I’ve got more FACETIME!
I’m sick of tearing all of my roommates’ decorations off the wall! What if the landlord comes in and sees your framed Casablanca poster? He’s going to think we’re POT HEADS!
I make very detailed lists of chores and my roommates never do them! It’s easy, just use the rolls of stickers I’ve left in the drawer to mark off each chore you do in the box beside its name on the day it’s assigned. The different color-coded stickers indicate whether that week’s resource procurer needs to buy more supplies to complete that chore for the next week. If you fill your chore matrix one week, you get a buy-out the next week and your chore duties can be moved to a more convenient day! What’s so complicated! Just get it done! The row beside my name is FILLED WITH STICKERS!
I’m really thinking of trying to get my own place. When our lease is up I’m going to tell my roommates they have to leave.
The one thing is I’m afraid I’ll get lonely. I like to have people around.
