TODAY
TODAY 4:00 AM
Watched two episodes of M*A*S*H*, ate beans out of a can, cold.
5:11 AM
Washed out can and fork. Went to bed. Slept. Dreamt of a tree, many stories tall, on a windy plain with dark clouds rolling over head. A voice spoke to me. It said “FIND THE SEED.” Lightning struck the tree and I awoke.
7:23 AM
Showered. Shaved. Used new cologne. Put on “The Hugh Grant Look” (see attached file for index of Jared Logan’s various Looks.) Left apartment.
8:16 AM
Finished breakfast of curds and whey at The Mother Goose Diner. Next time I will try the Humpty Dumpty omelette. Or the Little Jack Horner Christmas Pie.
8:30 AM
I burn off all those calories on Space Wheel at the gym. It simulates high and low gravity conditions that astronauts deal with while in space. Cleon reminded me my membership fee is still past due. I owe my gym $26,000.00.
9:16 AM
Return to apartment for a second shower.
9:41 AM
Go to bed and sleep for thirty minutes. I dream that I am a dove eating the heart of a dead man.
10:30 AM
Arrived at my favorite gaming store, SOUL-STEALER COMICS & GAMES, for my weekly game of Famous Napoleonic Naval Battles. Today I faced LaTrell at Table 3 in a recreation of the Raid on Batavia (1806). I win, of course, and then LaTrell starts whining like a baby and calling me a cheat. He refuses to cede his miniature HMS Atlas, a 100-gun class A warship that I have won fair and square. I file a complaint with the head of the league and then head out.
11:46 AM
Double-dutch with some nice little girls I met on the sidewalk.
12:16 PM
Delay on the Q line caused by the discovery of a dead body in another car on my train.
12:41 PM
I’m late for lunch with my mentor, Alan Demming. When I arrive at our favorite Quiche Restaurant in SoHo he has already ordered. He tells me today we’re not going to talk. We’re going to just be comfortable together, in silence. Neither of us says another word the entire meal. He gets the check without mentioning it.
1:50 PM
I go to a bar but I order only cokes and just talk to the bartender for a while. I’m the only customer in there and another employee is sweeping up from the night before. I sense that if I was not in the bar, the bartender would also have to help cleaning up. But instead he just stands right in front of me, chatting away as the other employee looks on, angry, sweeping, mopping, windexing things.
2:49 PM
I leave, having left no tip after the bartender and I argue about whether you can kill someone by dropping a penny off the Empire State Building. He thinks you can!
3:15 PM
On the train again. No incident this time but I get a few phone numbers from strangers by using my networking skills. I’m trying to start a club of people I’ve met on the train. It will be called the People You Met on the Train Club and you can only invite people to join if you meet them for the first time on the train. At meetings we will drink alcohol and complain about society. So far I have five “maybes”.
4:00 PM
COFFEE!!!!!!!
4:37 PM
Asleep again. This time, no dreams. Thank God.
5:53 PM
I awaken. I play a couple holes of Golf on my computer golf game, Tiger Woods’s Sexy Golf.
6:16 PM
Shut down game and write blog about what I did today.
