Failure is a Type of Success
Guys, even if you’re really successful like me, there are going to be times in your life when things just don’t work out. We have to learn to accept failure because we learn more from our failures than from our successes. Just ask Abraham Lincoln.
FACT: Abraham Lincoln once lost an election!!
FACT: Abraham Lincoln lost cases in court!
FACT: Abraham Lincoln never learned to drive!
FACT: Abraham Lincoln was not a classically attractive man!
FACT: Abraham Lincoln once tried to set up a cool chain reaction with dominos on his kitchen floor but gave up halfway through when his stupid wife accidentally knocked them all over ruining it!
FACT: Abraham Lincoln did not survive a fatal gunshot wound to the head!
Now we all think of Abraham Lincoln as the epitome of the most successful person that ever lived or will live, but if you mapped Abraham Lincoln’s life in terms of successes and failures it would look like this:
Fail, fail, fail, fail, fail, fail, fail, succeed, fail, fail, fail, fail, fail, fail, totally fuck up, fail, fail, succeed, fail, fail, fail, fail, fail, fail, dead.
The lesson here is that the more you fail, the more successful you will eventually be within a HISTORICAL CONTEXT. In other words, TRY TO FAIL.
Let’s take another case study: Albert Einstein
FACT: Albert Einstein FAILED at math when he was in school!*
Can you believe it?? Albert Einstein, the best math guy of all time actually failed at math! Why did he fail at math? Because he was too smart for the class! They’re teaching him fractions, he’s off daydreaming thinking about black holes and stuff!
This means that if you fail at something you’re probably BETTER THAN the thing you failed at.
EXAMPLE: You get a failing grade on your research paper about volcanoes.
CONCLUSION: You are destined to be the world-renowned geologist that makes volcanoes popular again!
EXAMPLE: The man/woman you have been seeing romantically tells you that she wants to break up because he/she thinks you’re a failure.
CONCLUSION: You were so attractive it made him/her insecure. Also: you’re destined to be together and must call this person all the time and drop by his/her house.
EXAMPLE: You lose your job as a janitor because they catch you smoking pot in the bathroom.
CONCLUSION: You were better than that damn job anyway. Another round, bartender!
*(Fact: Albert Einstein never actually failed math, but the story is a PARABLE, which means it does not have to be true to be factual.)
ON A PERSONAL NOTE: I have failed many many many many times in my life but I always learn something about myself from my failures. I learn that I’m better than the people who succeed at what I fail at naturally. I learn that I’m destined for greatness. I learn I must be some kind of genius or some shit like that and that I’ll eventually become president.
So don’t be afraid to fail. As Franklin Delano Roosevelt (a man who failed at walking!) once said “…the American People in their righteous might will win through to victory. Because of this unprovoked dastardly attack by Japan, I ask that Congress declare a state of war” — from the film Pearl Harbor (2001).
