How I Will Explain the Birds & the Bees to My Son
Son, sex is like a bowel movement.
It can give you great joy and relieve a lot of stress.
But, like a bowel movement, you’ve got to be careful when and where you do it. You don’t want to have a bowel movement on the street or on a city bus. You never want to make a bowel movement in your pants. You want to make sure you do it in a clean place using a hygienic receptacle.
I guess some people shit in the woods when they go camping. That can be fun.
But I digress. My point is bowel movements are a private time for you to enjoy. People don’t want to hear the specific details of your bowel movement. I can tell from your face you’re uncomfortable talking about it with me right now. Remember this feeling when you want to go running all over campus bragging to all the other fellas how you just took the biggest shit of your life.
To sum up, if you just always equate having sex with taking a dump you’ll have a happy, healthy sex life.
Oh. Also, when you’re doing it, don’t push too hard.
