December 2011
5 posts
50 Nasty Insults for Any Occasion
1. Your sister likes it dirty!
2. Is that your ass or a low-hanging backpack filled with dead kittens?
3. Take your hat off. Oh. I’m sorry. That’s your stupid hair!
4. For a man, you sure do have bodacious tits!
5. OK. Who ordered the MOUTH-BREATHER?
6. I always root for the Little Guy, that’s why I root for your penis!
7. Thought I might have the flu but then I...
Today's Guest Blogger: Tunnel Gun Unit 22
//r578891-0003//
MAY252065 14:25hrs Tunnel Gun Sentry Defense System ONLINE
TGSD Unit 22 reporting for duty.
SYSTEMS CHECK: Swivel turret operational / Ammo at FULL / Targeting system calibrated
COMMENCE GUARDIAN MODE
MAY252065 15:03hrs HOSTILE DETECTED! HOSTILE DETECTED! HOSTILE DETECTED!
Targeting…Target locked
Firing Hollowpoint Rounds… Target eliminated. 37...
I Got a Kindle!
I got a Kindle! Lots of people don’t have Kindles, but I have one now. It’s how I read the New York Times and the world’s greatest novels. Other people like books. Not me.
Books take up space. Kindles don’t, because Kindles are flat. In the future (where I’m livin’!) everything is flat. TVs are flat, computers are flat. The U.S. has adopted the...
Animals...They Ain't Like People!
Here’s a conversation I had with a friend last night:
ME: And then on the flight back they showed BBC’s Earth: Frozen Planet and it was this whole documentary about polar bears and penguins and seals and killer whales.
FRIEND: Oooh! Cool!
ME: Yeah, they showed how killer whales, when they want to eat a seal and the seal is on top of some ice, they can’t get to the seal...
Ways to be Weird and then More Weird pt. 1
1.) One way to be weird is you can start a lot of your sentences with “The fact of the matter is…” as in “The fact of the matter is that I’m not hungry enough to get lunch right now.”
A) A way to be even more weird is start your sentences with “The fact of the Master is…” as in “The fact of the Master is that I’m not hungry...